A final good-bye to the Awkward Catholic

After little thought and very little actual discernment I have decided to shut this blog down and move to a new blog in hopes I feel more compelled to blog more. No longer do I feel like an 'Awkward Catholic'. It's time fore a more grown up blog with grown-up thoughts (no worries- the snark will never go away).  I will keep this blog up for good laughs.

Here's the new blog- Please do visit!

http://monroetomonroe.blogspot.com/ 

Awkward Updates

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Okay. Someone shared my blog on facebook and now I feel compelled to give an update.

So. Updates.

I'm in the application process with 'my nuns'. You would think that this would provide a plethora of awkward situations to write about but...

Nope.

Now, that doesn't mean I haven't had my fair share of freakouts. One night, while having a few beers with friends I convinced myself (very loudly) that I was not going to pass the psych exam.
One of friends, being a candidate with my nuns, describe many of the tests I would go through.

It still took them an hour to calm me down.

A part of the application is to answer a few reflections questions. The vocation Director said that this would be a great opportunity to learn about myself. I thought this part would be the biggest pain in the butt to finish but this is actually my favorite part. The Vocation Director was right, I'm learning a lot about myself. (Please don't tell her I said that.)

A pro-tip for any of you nun-to-be's: go to Panera, pop in the headphones and listen to Amy Grant radio on Pandora. There is no way the Holy Spirit will be absent for that.

Being in the application stage is a big step in the discernment process. But there's still a lot more discerning and praying to do. Really, we don't ever stop discerning. Ever.

Another update: I got a BIG GIRL JOB and will be MOVING INTO A CONVENT. The great thing about this convent is that I've stayed there when I came for visits. The nuns are great and easy to be around. I know I'll fit in really well.

And they're Downton Abbey fans.

As for the Big Girl Job...I will be working for and with a few of my nuns.

I will be surrounded by nuns 24/7.

That's it for the updates. I will *try* to post here a least once a month. For smaller, snarkier musing check out my tumblr page and follow me on twitter.
There's a possibility that I'm addicted to social media.
 

Nunnabe Diaries: Drinking a Beer with God

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I am/was in a rough spot. Not only was I grieving over the lost of my grandma but trying to discern where God was calling me. I had run myself into the ground. There was so many things that needed to get done but no energy to do it. I thought 'hey, I'm young! I should have enough energy to do all these things!'.  Of course, I was wrong. It wasn't so much the physical tasks but the spiritual tasks that did me in.
There are decisions that needed to be made; decisions I thought were already made. It could be my impatience on this matter but it made me doubt God's timing. So thinking and over thinking began. I knew it was driving me mad but I needed to know what my future held. I pushed through hoping I would get my answer.

I realized I was slowly killing myself in the process.

This isn't the first time I've gotten myself in this situation. Far from it. When discerning God's call we often get ourselves in these binds. Sister Sandra Schneider calls them 'analysis paralysis'. It's when we start analyzing a decision so much we become too afraid to make that decision. Or there are so many decisions to make we simply stop. We think and we think going no where.
What do we do when we get ourselves in these situations? The first step is to recognize when we reached 'analysis paralysis'. The second is to stop the cycle. The third is to make the decision. (Of course there are many smaller steps in between, but those are the main steps.) I want to focus on the second step: stopping the cycle.
What do I do to stop the cycle? I simply stop thinking. Now, before you say 'that's impossible!' let me tell you want I did tonight.

I turned off my phone, popped in Despicable Me' and drank a couple of beers.

It worked. As soon as I opened that first beer and watched the movie my chest started to loosen up. I didn't think about nuns, decisions, life, ANYTHING except for how cute the minions looked.
I didn't ask God what He wanted from me. I simply invited Him over for a movie, popcorn and beer.
(I like to think that God drinks Bud Light Lime.)
It was a nice night and will continue to be nice night.

To my fellow discerners, when stuck in 'analysis paralysis' simply stop, drop and roll. Stop the thinking, drop what you're doing and roll with God.

Now back to my movie and beer night with God.

Nunnabe Dairies: A tiny step forward on Mount Everest

J.M.J.A.T.K.G 

About a month ago, I was with my nuns at their Motherhouse or Mothership as we like to call it. I have visited the motherhouse five times before; each time meeting and sometimes remeeting the nuns. Often times I was lead around by either the vocation director or another nun since the motherhouse was so big. Since I was fairly new I would be introduced to every nun that came our way. This meant that I would meet up to fifty nuns during a visit. It was very overwhelming to say the least. (I’m an introvert by nature.)

However this time was different.

When we arrived, the two nuns I rode with had to go to a meeting so that left me to walk to lunch by myself. I’ll never forget how freeing it felt to walk to point A to point B by myself and actually know where I was going. On the way there I came across three nuns who actually knew who I was. (I couldn’t remember their names- they didn’t seem to care)

This happened again and again over the next five days. The anxiety of being in a new place was slowly dissipating. To my surprise, the motherhouse was starting to feel like home. 

I thought I wouldn't miss being lead around the motherhouse or meeting so many nuns, but I did. I was saying good-bye to one phase of discernment that I will never have back - at least with this community. Meeting all of those nuns was overwhelming and exhausting but I can now step back and appreciate it. It obliviously had to be done. Or course, there are many sisters who live far away that I haven't met yet. However, they'll probably know me by seeing my face in several of the order's newsletters and such.

Even though this is only a few small steps on the Mount Everest that is discernment; it's still taking me to new heights. (Very sorry for the cliche but it stays)

Will every step I take be just as bittersweet or more so?

In any case, this whole discernment thing is full of twists and turns that I never expected. I keep thinking that this is so much bigger than I am - it's completely in God's hands. 

This whole discernment thing just got a whole lot more real... and awkward.  

 

What happens before speaking with the Vocation Director

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

2:45pm receives a text message from vocation director thanking me for sending an email loaded with questions. Also asks when we can chat about said questions.
2:47pm sends text message back saying I'm free after 1pm everyday. (Thinking she'll suggest a time a couple of days from now.)
2:50pm Vocation Director texts back saying that's great and asks if 3:15 today will work.

The room becomes a 1000 degrees. My stomach fills with butterflies with razor blades.

2:51pm I say "sounds great."
2:52pm I frantically search email trying to remember what I even asked. I discovered I didn't ask any questions per say- just saying I wanted to discuss some things.

The butterflies in my stomach switch to guns.

2:55pm I realize that I've known this vocation director for three years so there is nothing to be afraid of.
2:58pm I fight the urge to grab a beer.
3:00pm to 3:10pm I clean an already clean house.
3:11pm I start to wonder if I am suppose to call her or she calls me...she didn't say.

What if I call her and she's not ready? What if I call the wrong number? Does she want me to call her cell phone or office phone?
Ok...I'll just wait until she calls me.
But wait...what if she's waiting for me to call? If I don't call she'll probably think I forgot or that I don't take the intative.
3:15pm comes and goes...
The butterflies switch to flame throwers. I may never eat again.
3:19pm She calls me from a number I don't recognize. All the nerves go away I remember all of my questions and we easily talk for an hour...like always.

4:25pm I grab a bud light.

I don't want this to discourage anyone from talking with a vocation director. In retrospect, it's more a terrified joy that I feel. I'm excited when I know that I'll be talking with the vocation director but I'm also a little scared. I'm scared that I'll say something wrong or won't get my point across.
But in the end, I know that I'm in good hands when speaking with this vocation director. I can trust that she has mine and the communities best interests at heart. She won't make me do something that she feels I'm not ready for. However, she'll also challenge me to my full potential.

So in other words, she's kinda like Allstate Insurance.

Awkward Catholic Moment #7: Calling a Nun by her first name

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I remember the exact moment it happened. I was helping my good nun friend put together a small storage unit we had just purchased at Ikea. We were having a good time, laughing and talking- when everything changed. She had asked for a screw driver but I had given her the wrong one. Instinctively I said "sorry sister" and handed her the right one. She rolled her eyes and said "you know, you don't have to call me sister".
I was speechless.
To make matters worse, the other sister came into the room and agreed with her. I took a deep breath and said "ok, Julie". And that's when my Irish Great-Great Grandmother hit me over the head with a 2x4- metaphorically speaking.
I have been around nuns and priests my entire life and this was the first I have ever called a nun by her first name. It was something I never thought about doing. Somewhere in Catholic grade school when I was young it must have been hammered into my skull that you shouldn't call a nun, priest or brother by their first name only. It was rude and sinful.
It's been almost a year and a half since that fateful day and I still have trouble not putting sister in front of their names. (Though pictured my great great grandma with a 2x4 over my head probably doesn't help) These are the only two nuns that have given me permission. I know the other nuns in their congregation wouldn't mind- it's why I love them- but I have a strict rule not to do so until I have their permission.
Of course, like everything concerning religious life I have thought long and hard about this. I have asked myself why it's so hard for me to forgo sister when talking with them. I tried to put myself in their shoes- would I mind if someone didn't call me sister?
Honestly I don't think I would mind. A friend once said she would feel weird if she ever called me sister. I told she didn't have to- the reason I was becoming a nun was to help people- not because of the title.
This gets me thinking- for her to call me sister would create a tiny barrier between us. I don't want that. The reason I want to be a nun is so I can live for and with the oppressed. In order to do that all barriers must go. My main goal is to serve people and bring them to God- if I get the job done without them knowing I'm a nun- then either way I got the job done.* The reason I was able to get the job done was because I would have been trained- in the novitiate-or nun school- on how to bring people closer to God.
The reason I joined the novitiate will be because God called me. And how I know God is calling me to join the novitiate is because it would bring me peace and joy that will continue for as long as I'm doing God's will. And because of that peace and joy I'll be able to bring people closer to God.**
(In the novitiate I would also learn how to have a good solid prayer life which would help me bring people closer to God)***

Well, this post went a little deeper than expected.****

*Most likely people will know I'm a nun given the possible ministry I would work for. It would be rare circumstance that they won't know. In some cases it would help people to know I was a nun. I'm just saying I'm willing to identify myself as whatever they need me to be-as long as it's authentically me present-to help them.
**I over-simplified the meaning of the novitiate and "nun training" in general. I also over-simplified how God calls us and what it feels like-but I think you get the general idea. And I over-simplified the goal of nuns- getting people closer to God-though this is a HUGE goal. There are other much smaller goals. Getting people closer to God is every ones goal.
***I hope you read these footnotes, otherwise you might think I have no clue about nuns or about how God calls us. I really do know what I'm talking about.
****I love footnote.

Awkward Catholic Moment #6...

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

75% of American Catholics are not aware of the new changes to the Mass.

This might be the most Awkward moment yet. Fr.Jim gives a couple of great resources at the end of his blog so you can read up on the changes.

Anyway, sorry for the blog silence. I am still battling jet lag from my trip to World Youth Day. Plus I'm trying to secure a job with the Salvation Army Kroc Center. I had the final interview Monday and was asked today to schedule a time to fill out the paper work. A very good sign! Hopefully, I'll have all of this finalized by Friday!

Awkward Catholic Moment #5: Losing Jesus

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I lost Jesus once. Literally I lost Jesus, not in some spiritual sense, like physically lost Jesus.

I was the sacristan for a college retreat so I was in charge of arranging the Adoration Chapel- the place where Jesus was supposed to hang out during the retreat.
On the morning of the retreat I had successfully decorated the chapel. It was beautiful. But something was missing. I couldn't figure it out.
Fortunately the retreat leader's husband (and former seminarian) asked where the Blessed Sacrament was.

My heart sank.

The one thing I was in charge of...the most important part of the retreat...I didn't have a clue where the Blessed Sacrament was.
You see we had a Mass the night before the retreat so that we could pray together and for the priest to consecrate the Host for Adoration.

But where in the world did he put the Blessed Sacrament? I saw him consecrate the bread, I knew what it looked like but where was Jesus? I completely spaced out after Mass. Didn't even get a chance to talk with the priest.
The retreat couldn't start. Not without Jesus.

So I got into my car and went directly to the priest's office. And there he was, sitting in a chair without a care in the world joking with the secretary.
When I ran into the room he just looked up and calmly asked "what's wrong?"
"I lost Jesus!" I exclaimed.
"Umm what?" He asked.
"I can't find the Blessed Sacrament that we use for Adoration!" I said.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I put it in the retreat center's sacristy. Here's the key. I'll be there in a few." He said.
I left and sped back to the retreat center, unlocked the sacristy and finally was able to put the Blessed Sacrament in the monstrance.

The retreat started and was the best retreat I had ever been on.
I guess the moral of the story is: don't freak out when you lose Jesus. He's a lot closer than you think. You just have to ask where He is sometimes.

The End.

Awkward Catholic Moment #4: Forgetting the Mass parts when you have help out with Mass.

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

A couple of months ago while I was walking into church someone asked me collect money and to bring up the gifts during Mass. Simple enough so I said yes.
As I was walking away I realized I hadn't done this in a long time. I then started wrecking my brain trying to remember when I was suppose to do all of this.
I've been Catholic all of my life yet I couldn't remember when when to do my job.
This happens everytime I have to do something for Mass.

Good thing I'm not a priest.

Of course, when the time came I just knew the right time to go and help collect the money. It was all instinct. This is what I like about the Catholic Mass. It's always, basically, the same.
Another thing I like about the Mass is that even if I did mess up...no one would care if I would have forgotten to take their money. ;) (Though they probably would have been alittle upset if I forgot to take up the gifts...those are kinda important...)
 Mistakes happen. It wouldn't have been the end of the world.

Now if the priest messed up...

Awkward Catholic Moment #3: Sacrifice

J.M.J.A.T.K.A

All of my life I have been told that if I were to sacrifice something, say like candy or soda, I would free a soul from purgatory. "They" have also told me that if I endure a difficult task and "offered it up" souls would get freed.***
During this Lenten season, most people give up something, I however, add something- like more prayer or writing in a journal. So I have never given up anything tangible like soda or candy. (This Lent I decided to wake up an hour early to pray. With coffee available this is not difficult.)

Now that I'm of legal drinking age I thought it would be good if I gave up drinking alcohol for a upcoming retreat this weekend. I have to say I love my alcohol, especially speciality beers. I was going to free many a soul from purgatory.

Apparently I don't understand the concept of sacrifice as I have failed miserably. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't gotten completely drunk. It's just that when someone asks me out for drinks I usually go.
This is what goes through my head before going out:
You can't drink, you gave it up.
But they asked me out for drinks. I want to drink.
But you gave it up.
But not drinking is hard.
That's why it's called a "sacrifice".
Go away.
(Goes to bar)

I promise I'm not crazy.

I've just had a thought. Hypothecially speaking say two people are freed from purgatory and go to heaven. Here's a conversation I think they would have:
Todd: Hey, Bob good to see up in heaven!
Bob: Good to see you too, Todd!
Todd: So, Bob how'd you get up here?
Bob: Well Todd, some kid decided not to drink a soda today so here I am!
Todd: That's great Bob! How's your cousin Tim?
Bob: Poor guy, some stupid college girl went out drinking so he's still stuck in purgatory...

Puts a whole new spin on Catholic guilt doesn't it?

***We also give up things to be in solidarity with Christ's suffering.

--AC

Awkward Catholic Moment #2: Explaining the new Mass Translation of the Roman Missel to your Grandma

J.M.J.A.T.K.A

Actual dialog between my grandma and I.

Grandma: Why are we switching back to Latin?
Me: We're not switching back to Latin. The new translation of the Mass is just more Latin based. It's all still in English.
Grandma:  I never knew why we switched to English from Latin in the first place.
Me: Well, you know, it was a decision they made during the Vatican II council to change it.**
Grandma: What's Vatican II?
Me: (Silence-bury's head in hands)

I've had this same conversation with other parisheers in my hometown. This is not anyone's fault. A lot of these people where out of school when the changes of the 1960's took place and never had the opportunity to learn why it changed- or never bothered asking.
You may not agree with the changes, however with this new translation, we have the opportunity as Catholics to reeducate ourselves and to ask questions as why we do what we do.
(Steps down from Soapbox)

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, here is a link to what the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops has about the new translation: http://usccb.org/romanmissal/

**VERY simplified answer. There's way more to this than what I gave to Grandma.

Awkward Catholic Moment #1: Standing at the end of the pew

J.M.J.A.T.K.A

The Church is packed. You come in late. You frantically walk back and forth in the back of the church looking for a place to sit. You finally see a space available.  But as you walk up you notice there is someone sitting on the end of the pew.
So you must stand there without saying a word until they notice you and hopefully move over.  The seconds tick by, there's no where else to sit-everyone is looking at you- except the person at the end of the pew. Your back starts to get hot. You start to sweat. This person must be having an intense prayer moment because they are not noticing your pathetic threats to jump over them.
At last! They finally notice you...and give you the dirtiest look they can muster, their eyes telling you to go to Hell and finally begrudgingly move over 2 inches.

You spend the entire Mass debating whether or not to shake their hand at peace time.

At peace time, you eventually shake their hand and wish them peace.

This is my metaphorical introduction to the blog world- standing awkwardly until you notice me. You may give the death glare but I will shake your hand as a sign of peace.