A final good-bye to the Awkward Catholic

After little thought and very little actual discernment I have decided to shut this blog down and move to a new blog in hopes I feel more compelled to blog more. No longer do I feel like an 'Awkward Catholic'. It's time fore a more grown up blog with grown-up thoughts (no worries- the snark will never go away).  I will keep this blog up for good laughs.

Here's the new blog- Please do visit!

http://monroetomonroe.blogspot.com/ 

Nunnabe Diaries: Drinking a Beer with God

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I am/was in a rough spot. Not only was I grieving over the lost of my grandma but trying to discern where God was calling me. I had run myself into the ground. There was so many things that needed to get done but no energy to do it. I thought 'hey, I'm young! I should have enough energy to do all these things!'.  Of course, I was wrong. It wasn't so much the physical tasks but the spiritual tasks that did me in.
There are decisions that needed to be made; decisions I thought were already made. It could be my impatience on this matter but it made me doubt God's timing. So thinking and over thinking began. I knew it was driving me mad but I needed to know what my future held. I pushed through hoping I would get my answer.

I realized I was slowly killing myself in the process.

This isn't the first time I've gotten myself in this situation. Far from it. When discerning God's call we often get ourselves in these binds. Sister Sandra Schneider calls them 'analysis paralysis'. It's when we start analyzing a decision so much we become too afraid to make that decision. Or there are so many decisions to make we simply stop. We think and we think going no where.
What do we do when we get ourselves in these situations? The first step is to recognize when we reached 'analysis paralysis'. The second is to stop the cycle. The third is to make the decision. (Of course there are many smaller steps in between, but those are the main steps.) I want to focus on the second step: stopping the cycle.
What do I do to stop the cycle? I simply stop thinking. Now, before you say 'that's impossible!' let me tell you want I did tonight.

I turned off my phone, popped in Despicable Me' and drank a couple of beers.

It worked. As soon as I opened that first beer and watched the movie my chest started to loosen up. I didn't think about nuns, decisions, life, ANYTHING except for how cute the minions looked.
I didn't ask God what He wanted from me. I simply invited Him over for a movie, popcorn and beer.
(I like to think that God drinks Bud Light Lime.)
It was a nice night and will continue to be nice night.

To my fellow discerners, when stuck in 'analysis paralysis' simply stop, drop and roll. Stop the thinking, drop what you're doing and roll with God.

Now back to my movie and beer night with God.

The Nunnabe Chronicles: The Pizza Party that went horribly wrong

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

So I've taken up reporting a few stories here and there. This faux-story is based on actual events.


Sister Alice stares absent-minded out the window as she tries to recall 'that night'.
"It was supposed to be a little gathering of our discerners and a few sisters," she sighed. According to her, four young women came over to her convent to have pizza and meet a few of the nuns. Earlier that day one of the discerners asked her if it was okay she brought over her ten-month old nephew.
"'What's the harm?' I thought. Surely nothing could go wrong." Sister Alice took a framed picture of Jesus that was sitting on her desk and shoved it in her desk drawer.
"Oh was I wrong."
According to Sister Alice, there was trouble as soon as the baby and the discerner entered the room. Two of the other discerners raced toward the baby and begged to hold him first. Soon they started to argue. It then got ugly.
"One of the sisters was a negotiator for the United Nations for thirty years. Even she couldn't get those two to stop fighting. The baby had to be taken to another room to avoid being hurt!" Sister Alice exclaimed.
Suddenly, in the middle of the discerner fight the fourth discerner ran out of the room screaming 'BABIES! BABIES EVERYWHERE! GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! IS THIS A SIGN?!'
"We haven't seen or heard from her since."
Sister Alice said that eventually the two fighting discerners calmed down and apologized for fighting. They even cleaned up the broken bottles.
"Discerners believe that if you're discerning Religious Life God will lead you on a straight path to the convent- but that's not what it's about- it's about being open to the adventure. Take the baby fiasco-  sometimes God wants you to see your caretaker side. Sometimes God wants to show you what you're missing. But most of the time, a baby at an event is a baby at an event and nothing more. It's all about how you feel and you need to be calm and silent to hear that still, small voice."
After a long pause Sister Alice starts up again:
"Of course, discerners do that wrong too. They go to think about how to they feel yet they don't also pray about it. They gotta let God in! They also have to have a good spiritual advisor that will be help discerns God's call."
At that, Sister Alice pulled the picture of Jesus out of her desk and said, "May God bless the Vocation Director."

A Special All Souls Day

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I sometimes find being catholic hard, if not impossible. We're not the most respected folks out there and the church's teaching drive me nuts at times.
However, instead of running for door I stay. Yes I not only stay, I thank God for calling me to be Catholic.
Today, I am thankful for the awesomeness of the communion of Saints like never before. I'm extra thankful this year because I have a special "Saint" in heaven watching over me- my mom.
She went home to God a month and a half ago and has not stopped sending me signs that she's watching over me.
It's been very difficult without her- at times nearly impossible- but thanks to the Communion of Saints I know she's watching over my family and I.
I realize my mom is not an official "saint" but I think we can all agree that moms have a special place in God's kin-dom.
So this All Souls' Day I remember the happier times I had with mom and thank God for giving us a gift of the Communion of Saints.

Mother Mary For The Win

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I didn't go to Mass today. Yes, I know- it was a holy day of obligation. To be fair I thought Mass near work started at 6, when I got off, it was at 5. Fail.
However, that's not what this post is exactly about...

A month ago I was told my grandma didn't have long to live. I was beyond devastated, especially since I had planned to move ten hours away to be closer to my nuns later that week. I also had my dream job waiting in the broadcasting field. I had to give that up. Even though it was extremely hard to tell my nuns and that job "not yet" something told me I wouldn't regret staying home.
Since making that decision I have regretted staying home. I told God time and time again that I am not a caretaker, I am a broadcaster and social media guru. People told me how noble and great I was to stay and take care of my grandma. Truth was, I couldn't even think about going out to my grandma's house. The thought of seeing her health deteriorate before my eyes was too much.
The guilt was unbearable. I didn't eat for days. After walking out of Mass one night I realized that I couldn't run if I continued not eating. That night I cleaned my plate and I continue to do so- for the most part. Yes, running saved my life.
However, even running couldn't fix the fact that I was failing as a granddaughter. This woman helped raise me when my parents worked long hours, taught me how to read and how to garden. My family was counting on me to help her with chores around the house and keep her from thinking about what was coming. I was losing my mind.

Tonight I was asked to take over garbage bags to grandma's house. She said she decided to clean out the house so we wouldn't have to after she died. I nearly lost it. I kept screaming in my head that I couldn't do this- that something needed to happen- I couldn't do this alone.
This time, instead of making up an excuse to leave, I stayed and talked. She switched gears and suddenly was making jokes that I was used to hearing.
And then God hit me so hard I can only hope it did permanent damage.

I saw the huge blessing that God was giving me- I couldn't image leaving home. THIS is where I belong right NOW.
As I was pulling out of her drive I remembered that this was the Feast day of the Assumption of Mary. So Mary, yet again, came through for me in a HUGE way.

Thank you, Mother Mary!!!

Nunnabe Diaries: The Wedding

J.M.J.A.T.K.G


Last weekend I attended my friends wedding. She was a good friend of mine in college- in fact she was like a mother to me. She was my biggest supporter when I first started discerning and led me to google anunslife.org - which then lead me to finding my nuns. This is the first wedding in which the bride and the groom are younger than I am- but not by much.
So back to the wedding...
All though-out the ceremony I kept thinking that they were too young- that this isn't real- we're all just playing house right now.
I thought why am I in this big girl dress and when was nap time? Was it just four years ago that Amber and I planned her wedding until 2 in the morning? (You wouldn't think that I would have enjoyed that - you're quite wrong - I want to be the first nun wedding planner. I love weddings.) 
And then there was the sacrament itself- it's just too damn pretty... and a nunnabe killer. 
Again, marriage is a beautiful sacrament and the bride was radiating joy that we all felt. So you couldn't blame me if I wanted to be in her shoes. 
However, that wasn't necessarily the case. Amber and Nick were living out who they truly were... And that made me appreciate my own me-ness. I looked around at my group of college friends and could see all of our puzzle pieces slowly starting to fit together. We were getting engaged, finding "big people" jobs and moving towards our own me-ness. 
Also because two people found their vocation we gathered together to celebrate and be with one another. And celebrate we did- It was a Catholic wedding after all...
After I got back home the same group of friends decided to hang out once again. While playing cards I kept thinking that because Amber and Nick got married we were having another great night together.
This doesn't happen with just weddings- it also happens when Religious take vows or have jubilees. People gather together to celebrate and be with one another. 
It's one of those moments when it's obvious the vocation becomes bigger than the one or two taking vows. And that my friends is one of the reasons why vocations are awesome. 

Mass Pet Peeves

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Today I am going to show you all that I am a terrible person by sharing with you some of my pet peeves during Mass. If you find that you may share one of my pet peeves or have others to share please feel free to comment below!

The Song leader who thinks she's auditioning for American Idol
So we're singing along trying to give glory to God then all of a sudden the song leader belts out these notes that makes me wonder if we're still singing the same song. The entire congregation gives the song leader a look that says "What the heck?! Stop that! I can't follow along" but of course the song leader sees "We love it! The notes you're making up is much better than what is actually written so we're just going to stay silent."
Just stick with the notes that are written so everyone can sing along.
People who talk before and during Mass
This is a sure fire way to make me angry. It never fails. Of course I don't mind if you say hi to your friend- everyone does it- it's the polite thing to do. But this isn't a town hall meeting- wait until after Mass to talk with your friend.

The person who sits at the end of the pew
We covered this before. If you really need to sit at the end then get up so I won't have to climb over you. It creates an awkward moment that I have already written about. I can't keep doing this.

The person who sits directly behind me
It's all about timing on this one. Of course after I get done kneeling before Mass and go to sit back in the pew someone has to come in and kneels directly behind me. So now I'm focusing on whether or not my hair is clean enough and smells nice because they're getting a birds eye view. Regardless of whether it's clean or not I'm paranoid that it's not so I lean over which isn't very lady-like. I would move over but I just warmed up my spot on the pew and don't want go through the warming up process again. Knowing my luck I'm now smelling their favorite perfume or cologne...which brings me to my next pet peeve...

The person who wears too much perfume
This person must believe the perfume they are wearing will bring people closer to God so they dunk themselves in it like they're getting baptize again. Unfortunately so does a hundred other people each of whom have a different scent. Because we all know there are many different ways/scents to God.
I would assume common sense would tell them that there are other people in the church who probably wouldn't appreciate to smell inhale their choice of perfume. But sometimes I give people too much credit.

The person who is a bad kneeler partner
This is a person with whom you share a kneeler with. Most kneelers are heavy and long- especially in older Churches- and they require two people to raise and lower them. You use two people to lessen the pressure of the -often times- little bolts that attach the kneelers to the pews. This was hammered into my head in Catholic grade school. Anyway, this person doesn't care about you or the little bolts. They either don't help raise or lower the kneelers. They put both feet on the kneeler while it's lowered giving me -the 5'11" giant- very little leg room. They don't pay attention when you go to lower the kneeler so you end up hitting them- they then give you a dirty look. They kneel too quickly forcing you to go with the kneeler and hit your head on the pew. The list goes on and on. All it takes to be a good kneeler partner is the slightest bit of communication and team work. Is that too hard to ask?

Sometimes I give all these people above a dirty look then my Catholic guilt kicks in and I spend the entire Mass trying to be overly nice to them to prove that I really am a good christian.

All and all the Catholic Church is a family. And as family members we sometimes annoy each other. Some of us can't agree on who should be priests, who should get married and so on. I try to remember that we each have a common bond in that we all believe in the saving power of the Eucharist. But I still end up giving people a dirty look.

Awkward Catholic Moment #7: Calling a Nun by her first name

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I remember the exact moment it happened. I was helping my good nun friend put together a small storage unit we had just purchased at Ikea. We were having a good time, laughing and talking- when everything changed. She had asked for a screw driver but I had given her the wrong one. Instinctively I said "sorry sister" and handed her the right one. She rolled her eyes and said "you know, you don't have to call me sister".
I was speechless.
To make matters worse, the other sister came into the room and agreed with her. I took a deep breath and said "ok, Julie". And that's when my Irish Great-Great Grandmother hit me over the head with a 2x4- metaphorically speaking.
I have been around nuns and priests my entire life and this was the first I have ever called a nun by her first name. It was something I never thought about doing. Somewhere in Catholic grade school when I was young it must have been hammered into my skull that you shouldn't call a nun, priest or brother by their first name only. It was rude and sinful.
It's been almost a year and a half since that fateful day and I still have trouble not putting sister in front of their names. (Though pictured my great great grandma with a 2x4 over my head probably doesn't help) These are the only two nuns that have given me permission. I know the other nuns in their congregation wouldn't mind- it's why I love them- but I have a strict rule not to do so until I have their permission.
Of course, like everything concerning religious life I have thought long and hard about this. I have asked myself why it's so hard for me to forgo sister when talking with them. I tried to put myself in their shoes- would I mind if someone didn't call me sister?
Honestly I don't think I would mind. A friend once said she would feel weird if she ever called me sister. I told she didn't have to- the reason I was becoming a nun was to help people- not because of the title.
This gets me thinking- for her to call me sister would create a tiny barrier between us. I don't want that. The reason I want to be a nun is so I can live for and with the oppressed. In order to do that all barriers must go. My main goal is to serve people and bring them to God- if I get the job done without them knowing I'm a nun- then either way I got the job done.* The reason I was able to get the job done was because I would have been trained- in the novitiate-or nun school- on how to bring people closer to God.
The reason I joined the novitiate will be because God called me. And how I know God is calling me to join the novitiate is because it would bring me peace and joy that will continue for as long as I'm doing God's will. And because of that peace and joy I'll be able to bring people closer to God.**
(In the novitiate I would also learn how to have a good solid prayer life which would help me bring people closer to God)***

Well, this post went a little deeper than expected.****

*Most likely people will know I'm a nun given the possible ministry I would work for. It would be rare circumstance that they won't know. In some cases it would help people to know I was a nun. I'm just saying I'm willing to identify myself as whatever they need me to be-as long as it's authentically me present-to help them.
**I over-simplified the meaning of the novitiate and "nun training" in general. I also over-simplified how God calls us and what it feels like-but I think you get the general idea. And I over-simplified the goal of nuns- getting people closer to God-though this is a HUGE goal. There are other much smaller goals. Getting people closer to God is every ones goal.
***I hope you read these footnotes, otherwise you might think I have no clue about nuns or about how God calls us. I really do know what I'm talking about.
****I love footnote.

Catholic Life and Thought: Dancing

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Last weekend a friend invited me to an event he helped organize called "Praise Jam". It's where local Christian artists sang and danced to Christian music. I was asked to sit at a booth and give out information for a high school retreat I used to be involved in.
When I arrived about half way through, the "praising" was going strong.
The other churches had a huge turn out- the Catholics...not so much.

(Though in their defense there was a huge benefit auction at the Knights of Columbus Hall at the same time- with alcohol and air conditioning.)
Many people were standing in the hot sun raising their hands, eyes closed...in praise. I was truly amazed.
I was so amazed I just sat there feeling bad that I didn't have the nerve to get out there and do the same thing. It was like something glued me to my chair. It reminded me of what a very wise priest once told us about Catholics...

We are the frozen chosen.

As I sat there I reflected on why this was. I mean, I have been to many praise and worship services and have danced right along. Every time "Waves of Mercy" or "Days of Elijah" or "Trading my Sorrows" started to play I was the first one doing the dance moves...

Then it hit me...

Those dances were choreographed.

Of course I wasn't out there dancing with everyone at the "Praise Jam". Their songs didn't have dance moves! They free styled.

...Something this Catholic doesn't do unless she has alcohol in her. (And even with alcohol all I can do is clap and move my hips slightly...sometimes even to the beat!)

We Catholics need choreography! We need our dance movements to mean something. Just look at the Mass...there are concrete reasons why we sit, stand, make the sign of the cross, shake hands and kneel.

Of course, some of our "moves" are being changed this Advent. And you better believe this Awkward Catholic is geeked about the almost certain awkwardness.

Things that Catholics do all the time but don't know why they do it: Making the Sign of the Cross

J.M.J.A.T.K.A

Last night after I prayed with the Sisters, a person came into the chatroom and asked why Catholics make the sign of the cross. I got excited. I quickly leaned forward in my seat, fingers at the ready to answer the question when I suddenly realized: I don't know why Catholics make the sign of the cross. Awkward.
Luckily, someone answered something to the affect that we are acknowledging the Holy Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit).
Here's what wikipedia had to say about the sign of the cross:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sign_of_the_cross

So, now we know why Catholics (and other Christians) make the sign of the Cross.

You know the nice thing about having "awkward" in your blogs name is that you can end the blog awkwardly without worrying if it'll sound awkward- it's supposed to be awkward.