A final good-bye to the Awkward Catholic

After little thought and very little actual discernment I have decided to shut this blog down and move to a new blog in hopes I feel more compelled to blog more. No longer do I feel like an 'Awkward Catholic'. It's time fore a more grown up blog with grown-up thoughts (no worries- the snark will never go away).  I will keep this blog up for good laughs.

Here's the new blog- Please do visit!

http://monroetomonroe.blogspot.com/ 

Awkward Updates

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Okay. Someone shared my blog on facebook and now I feel compelled to give an update.

So. Updates.

I'm in the application process with 'my nuns'. You would think that this would provide a plethora of awkward situations to write about but...

Nope.

Now, that doesn't mean I haven't had my fair share of freakouts. One night, while having a few beers with friends I convinced myself (very loudly) that I was not going to pass the psych exam.
One of friends, being a candidate with my nuns, describe many of the tests I would go through.

It still took them an hour to calm me down.

A part of the application is to answer a few reflections questions. The vocation Director said that this would be a great opportunity to learn about myself. I thought this part would be the biggest pain in the butt to finish but this is actually my favorite part. The Vocation Director was right, I'm learning a lot about myself. (Please don't tell her I said that.)

A pro-tip for any of you nun-to-be's: go to Panera, pop in the headphones and listen to Amy Grant radio on Pandora. There is no way the Holy Spirit will be absent for that.

Being in the application stage is a big step in the discernment process. But there's still a lot more discerning and praying to do. Really, we don't ever stop discerning. Ever.

Another update: I got a BIG GIRL JOB and will be MOVING INTO A CONVENT. The great thing about this convent is that I've stayed there when I came for visits. The nuns are great and easy to be around. I know I'll fit in really well.

And they're Downton Abbey fans.

As for the Big Girl Job...I will be working for and with a few of my nuns.

I will be surrounded by nuns 24/7.

That's it for the updates. I will *try* to post here a least once a month. For smaller, snarkier musing check out my tumblr page and follow me on twitter.
There's a possibility that I'm addicted to social media.
 

Nunnabe Diaries: Drinking a Beer with God

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I am/was in a rough spot. Not only was I grieving over the lost of my grandma but trying to discern where God was calling me. I had run myself into the ground. There was so many things that needed to get done but no energy to do it. I thought 'hey, I'm young! I should have enough energy to do all these things!'.  Of course, I was wrong. It wasn't so much the physical tasks but the spiritual tasks that did me in.
There are decisions that needed to be made; decisions I thought were already made. It could be my impatience on this matter but it made me doubt God's timing. So thinking and over thinking began. I knew it was driving me mad but I needed to know what my future held. I pushed through hoping I would get my answer.

I realized I was slowly killing myself in the process.

This isn't the first time I've gotten myself in this situation. Far from it. When discerning God's call we often get ourselves in these binds. Sister Sandra Schneider calls them 'analysis paralysis'. It's when we start analyzing a decision so much we become too afraid to make that decision. Or there are so many decisions to make we simply stop. We think and we think going no where.
What do we do when we get ourselves in these situations? The first step is to recognize when we reached 'analysis paralysis'. The second is to stop the cycle. The third is to make the decision. (Of course there are many smaller steps in between, but those are the main steps.) I want to focus on the second step: stopping the cycle.
What do I do to stop the cycle? I simply stop thinking. Now, before you say 'that's impossible!' let me tell you want I did tonight.

I turned off my phone, popped in Despicable Me' and drank a couple of beers.

It worked. As soon as I opened that first beer and watched the movie my chest started to loosen up. I didn't think about nuns, decisions, life, ANYTHING except for how cute the minions looked.
I didn't ask God what He wanted from me. I simply invited Him over for a movie, popcorn and beer.
(I like to think that God drinks Bud Light Lime.)
It was a nice night and will continue to be nice night.

To my fellow discerners, when stuck in 'analysis paralysis' simply stop, drop and roll. Stop the thinking, drop what you're doing and roll with God.

Now back to my movie and beer night with God.

Nunnabe Dairies: At war with myself

Oh, it's World War Three in my head. The first causality was my sanity but I think we all knew that was hanging by a thread.
Decision making is easy, it's the aftermath that's tricky. That's when you have to live in to that decision. You also have time to think about that decision. That's when wars start.
I've always thought that I make the best decisions when I'm caught off guard- but I'm doubting that. Yes, I made a decision off guard and not having a lot of coffee. It was a decision that most think long and hard over. However, I feel good about the decision- almost lighter. I find myself being more focused and organized than ever. It wasn't as if I was never going to make that decision- this was just much sooner than I expected. Actually, it was sooner than anyone expected.
Maybe some of the best decisions we make are the ones we don't expect to make. We just jump in feet first.
Or maybe there is a reason some think long and hard about the decision I made. Yep, my head is spinning.
Yes, it wouldn't be discernment if I didn't doubt everything but my last name.
With any vocation crisis I will take two Aspirin and call the vocation director in the morning.

The Nunnabe Chronicles: The Pizza Party that went horribly wrong

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

So I've taken up reporting a few stories here and there. This faux-story is based on actual events.


Sister Alice stares absent-minded out the window as she tries to recall 'that night'.
"It was supposed to be a little gathering of our discerners and a few sisters," she sighed. According to her, four young women came over to her convent to have pizza and meet a few of the nuns. Earlier that day one of the discerners asked her if it was okay she brought over her ten-month old nephew.
"'What's the harm?' I thought. Surely nothing could go wrong." Sister Alice took a framed picture of Jesus that was sitting on her desk and shoved it in her desk drawer.
"Oh was I wrong."
According to Sister Alice, there was trouble as soon as the baby and the discerner entered the room. Two of the other discerners raced toward the baby and begged to hold him first. Soon they started to argue. It then got ugly.
"One of the sisters was a negotiator for the United Nations for thirty years. Even she couldn't get those two to stop fighting. The baby had to be taken to another room to avoid being hurt!" Sister Alice exclaimed.
Suddenly, in the middle of the discerner fight the fourth discerner ran out of the room screaming 'BABIES! BABIES EVERYWHERE! GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! IS THIS A SIGN?!'
"We haven't seen or heard from her since."
Sister Alice said that eventually the two fighting discerners calmed down and apologized for fighting. They even cleaned up the broken bottles.
"Discerners believe that if you're discerning Religious Life God will lead you on a straight path to the convent- but that's not what it's about- it's about being open to the adventure. Take the baby fiasco-  sometimes God wants you to see your caretaker side. Sometimes God wants to show you what you're missing. But most of the time, a baby at an event is a baby at an event and nothing more. It's all about how you feel and you need to be calm and silent to hear that still, small voice."
After a long pause Sister Alice starts up again:
"Of course, discerners do that wrong too. They go to think about how to they feel yet they don't also pray about it. They gotta let God in! They also have to have a good spiritual advisor that will be help discerns God's call."
At that, Sister Alice pulled the picture of Jesus out of her desk and said, "May God bless the Vocation Director."

Nunnabe Diaries: Following

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I was nervous. I couldn't eat, couldn't stop shaking. "What if they don't like me?" "This is such a huge risk." "I could fail a class if I go." "Could I really afford that train ticket?"
Those were the thoughts that swam in my head day in and day out. The only reason I slept was because I was too exhausted to stay awake.

The butterflies were doing major damage to my stomach.

I tried to plan out what I do in every situation. I needed to be prefect. I so wanted them to like me.
I had a small hunch that I would like them...

A week from my first Come and See with "my nuns" I went for a walk. I actually went for a lot walks then because I was useless everywhere else.
I drove to a near-by park and started walking and doing more planning.

Suddenly I heard a voice that sounded like it was outside of me but also in my head*.
It said, "follow me."
I said, "Okay."

Nerves went away and in rushed a peace that has rarely ever left.

The scene of the peace.

I like to think that that was God talking. I'm almost positive it was. What I like about this moment was that God was so gentle. He could have sent a lightening bolt down or wrote "Follow me" in the sky. 

But he didn't. It was the still small voice that I heard. 

In order to hear that voice I must calm myself down. Luckily, Jesus is very good at calming me down. 

Well, him and a glass of wine. 

This moment changed my discernment and possibly my sanity in a big way. I went on that Come and See with a clear head and working stomach. I believe that since these nuns STILL invite me back to their Motherhouse three years later says that it was successful. 

My prayer is for all those who read this blog may listen to that still small voice- it might be small but the adventure is huge.

Nunnabe Diaries: The Wedding

J.M.J.A.T.K.G


Last weekend I attended my friends wedding. She was a good friend of mine in college- in fact she was like a mother to me. She was my biggest supporter when I first started discerning and led me to google anunslife.org - which then lead me to finding my nuns. This is the first wedding in which the bride and the groom are younger than I am- but not by much.
So back to the wedding...
All though-out the ceremony I kept thinking that they were too young- that this isn't real- we're all just playing house right now.
I thought why am I in this big girl dress and when was nap time? Was it just four years ago that Amber and I planned her wedding until 2 in the morning? (You wouldn't think that I would have enjoyed that - you're quite wrong - I want to be the first nun wedding planner. I love weddings.) 
And then there was the sacrament itself- it's just too damn pretty... and a nunnabe killer. 
Again, marriage is a beautiful sacrament and the bride was radiating joy that we all felt. So you couldn't blame me if I wanted to be in her shoes. 
However, that wasn't necessarily the case. Amber and Nick were living out who they truly were... And that made me appreciate my own me-ness. I looked around at my group of college friends and could see all of our puzzle pieces slowly starting to fit together. We were getting engaged, finding "big people" jobs and moving towards our own me-ness. 
Also because two people found their vocation we gathered together to celebrate and be with one another. And celebrate we did- It was a Catholic wedding after all...
After I got back home the same group of friends decided to hang out once again. While playing cards I kept thinking that because Amber and Nick got married we were having another great night together.
This doesn't happen with just weddings- it also happens when Religious take vows or have jubilees. People gather together to celebrate and be with one another. 
It's one of those moments when it's obvious the vocation becomes bigger than the one or two taking vows. And that my friends is one of the reasons why vocations are awesome. 

Nunnabe Diaries: More bits of wisdom from yoda Audra

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Life is still crazy however I'm finding bits of wisdom from a younger me. I swear, I was smarter when I was younger. I don't know what happened to me.

Comments in bold are my comments now.

January 22, 2009

My outlook on life is changing...for the better. This discernment process has been a great thing...but now I feel that trying religious life has to be a long way off...like a few months to a year or when you're 23...but that's okay.
This is the first time that something has made me change...maybe down the line something else will do this to me nope, it's still Religious Life- nice try though.. maybe not, but right now I'm happy of the changes...
Also last night was hard. I doubted everything and I believe it took being so uncertain about things to learn the things I know now. Way to be deep 20 year old me! I really needed to read this today.

It stinks that I have to learn this way but it is what it is.