J.M.J.A.T.K.G
I was nervous. I couldn't eat, couldn't stop shaking. "What if they don't like me?" "This is such a huge risk." "I could fail a class if I go." "Could I really afford that train ticket?"
Those were the thoughts that swam in my head day in and day out. The only reason I slept was because I was too exhausted to stay awake.
The butterflies were doing major damage to my stomach.
I tried to plan out what I do in every situation. I needed to be prefect. I so wanted them to like me.
I had a small hunch that I would like them...
A week from my first Come and See with "my nuns" I went for a walk. I actually went for a lot walks then because I was useless everywhere else.
I drove to a near-by park and started walking and doing more planning.
Suddenly I heard a voice that sounded like it was outside of me but also in my head*.
It said, "follow me."
I said, "Okay."
Nerves went away and in rushed a peace that has rarely ever left.
I like to think that that was God talking. I'm almost positive it was. What I like about this moment was that God was so gentle. He could have sent a lightening bolt down or wrote "Follow me" in the sky.
I was nervous. I couldn't eat, couldn't stop shaking. "What if they don't like me?" "This is such a huge risk." "I could fail a class if I go." "Could I really afford that train ticket?"
Those were the thoughts that swam in my head day in and day out. The only reason I slept was because I was too exhausted to stay awake.
The butterflies were doing major damage to my stomach.
I tried to plan out what I do in every situation. I needed to be prefect. I so wanted them to like me.
I had a small hunch that I would like them...
A week from my first Come and See with "my nuns" I went for a walk. I actually went for a lot walks then because I was useless everywhere else.
I drove to a near-by park and started walking and doing more planning.
Suddenly I heard a voice that sounded like it was outside of me but also in my head*.
It said, "follow me."
I said, "Okay."
Nerves went away and in rushed a peace that has rarely ever left.
 |
| The scene of the peace. |
But he didn't. It was the still small voice that I heard.
In order to hear that voice I must calm myself down. Luckily, Jesus is very good at calming me down.
Well, him and a glass of wine.
This moment changed my discernment and possibly my sanity in a big way. I went on that Come and See with a clear head and working stomach. I believe that since these nuns STILL invite me back to their Motherhouse three years later says that it was successful.
My prayer is for all those who read this blog may listen to that still small voice- it might be small but the adventure is huge.
:) and <3
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