A final good-bye to the Awkward Catholic

After little thought and very little actual discernment I have decided to shut this blog down and move to a new blog in hopes I feel more compelled to blog more. No longer do I feel like an 'Awkward Catholic'. It's time fore a more grown up blog with grown-up thoughts (no worries- the snark will never go away).  I will keep this blog up for good laughs.

Here's the new blog- Please do visit!

http://monroetomonroe.blogspot.com/ 

Religious life is weird

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Editors note: I'm writing this on an iPhone so apologies for typos and awkward sentence. Also, as a reflection of my new stage in religious life I changed the look and name of the blog. Enjoy!

Last Sunday, my community (I get to say that now) welcomed two new novices. One of whom was living with me and two other sisters at our community's (it really is fun saying that) welcoming house.
It was a wonderful and joyous celebration without hardly a dry eye in the congregation. It was great to walk into my community's (still fun) chapel knowing all I had to do was celebrate this momentous event. I kinda felt like Prince Harry at his brother's wedding. Just smile and wave and be thankful I'm out of the spotlight. And serve the nuns coffee. Always do that.
Although quite a few sisters after the ceremony elbowed me saying something about how that'll be me next year. It took everything in me not to dry heave.
Tonight, we had the new novice's mom and step-dad over for soccer and dinner for their last night in town. They're an incredible couple who were fascinated with our way of life.
Tonight, is also the new novice's last night at our house.
It's a strange feeling because in a normal room mate situation, once someone moves out you usually don't live with them again. Or you don't have much contact with them. Not so true in religious life. We may live together next year or we may never live together. We may live in the same city (most likely Detroit) or we may live across the country. Or in different countries.
However, if things continue the way they are, we'll be connected in ways I could not image a week and a half ago.
It was a week and a half ago that everyone in the congregation raised their right hand and read a prayer asking for God's blessing on my classmate and I's continued discernment. Something changed inside me. It's hard to discribe and will probably take most of my time as a candidate to articulate. It's a feeling of inclusivity. Or standing on solid ground that is moving at the same time. During my own ceremony in between thoughts of dry heaving and running I kept thinking that I was doing the right thing. Always a good thought to have at a welcoming ceremony. Running and dry heaving not so much.
So.
Our small community (still fun) will change in a big way. My classmate for a few months moved in tonight. She was in a community a few years ago so she's well versed in community living. At the end of August she will be received as a novice, or promoted as I like to say. And again our community (fun!) will change.

The acceptance

On my third visit to "my nuns" I helped a sister work on her computer. She instructed me on how to get on the internet. I dutifully followed her instructions and saw the familiar google page.
She stood up smiling and said "you're in."

And she kept saying it over and over.

Suddenly I realized she wasn't talking about getting on the internet.

Five years later I'm hearing the president of "my nuns" say those words to me: "you're in."

The shock hasn't quite settled. I never imaged feeling the way I feel right now. I just replay that moment when the president opened her arms to welcome me into the community.
It wasn't the most glamous of moments. I was in my favorite sweatpants and t-shirt watching Anderson Cooper.
She walked in smiling while my nun-roommates watched on. Once we hugged, they grabbed the scotch her and a beer for me.
The stupid smile never leaving my face.

The journey will be hard at times; easy at others; painful; joyful; full. I'm apart of something much bigger than myself. Something that I prayed for; cried about; lost sleep; lost friends; gained friends; moved across the country for.

I'm in....the beginning of the formation process. There will be more tears, more sleepless nights but I won't do it alone. I will talk about my feelings more I want to and will have disagreements with my sisters (it's already happened).
But a mysterious God called and I am still answering. It's lead me to here: sitting in my sweat pants with a stupid smile on my face. 

Convent livin': three months and I'm still here

The moment came one Sunday night after watching Downton Abbey. 

"Sister, stop while you're ahead."

"I'm sorry, I'm drinking the whole thing. It's too good!"

We were talking about black tea.

This is a typical scene from my life at the convent. It might seem boring but it has been anything but boring. 

My world has been turned upside down. My ass has been kicked. I have been proved that I may not know everything...or anything. Mostly anything. 

In the past three months conversations like this has transpired more times than I would like to admit:

Do you know where so and so is?

Me: no.

Have you met so and so?

Me: no.

Do you know how to do this or that?

Me: no.

I've been so frustrated by the not knowing that I could actually cry. 

Of course there is a grace to not knowing; to have had to rely on others to help me navigate everyday life. I have clung to my nuns, GPS and God like I've never done before. 

I have wrestled with more doubt about my life choice than I ever have. But as the vocation director said: it's not your until you struggle with it. 

So I guess it's firmly mine now.

Although this winter has been rough. (Rough doesn't ever cover it!) I have laughed more than I ever have, discovered who I am more deeply, and learned to talk with God more than ever.

I think that's what God wanted all along.