Convent livin': three months and I'm still here

The moment came one Sunday night after watching Downton Abbey. 

"Sister, stop while you're ahead."

"I'm sorry, I'm drinking the whole thing. It's too good!"

We were talking about black tea.

This is a typical scene from my life at the convent. It might seem boring but it has been anything but boring. 

My world has been turned upside down. My ass has been kicked. I have been proved that I may not know everything...or anything. Mostly anything. 

In the past three months conversations like this has transpired more times than I would like to admit:

Do you know where so and so is?

Me: no.

Have you met so and so?

Me: no.

Do you know how to do this or that?

Me: no.

I've been so frustrated by the not knowing that I could actually cry. 

Of course there is a grace to not knowing; to have had to rely on others to help me navigate everyday life. I have clung to my nuns, GPS and God like I've never done before. 

I have wrestled with more doubt about my life choice than I ever have. But as the vocation director said: it's not your until you struggle with it. 

So I guess it's firmly mine now.

Although this winter has been rough. (Rough doesn't ever cover it!) I have laughed more than I ever have, discovered who I am more deeply, and learned to talk with God more than ever.

I think that's what God wanted all along.