Nunnabe Diaries: The Dinner

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Mission: To dispel every nun stereotype to a group of mostly Catholic adults at dinner.


Last night a group of adults that were on a retreat with me took me out to dinner. They knew that I was thinking about Religious Life and wanted to show their support. This was the first time anyone has ever done this.
I was a bit nervous because I knew I would be the only single person there. And I was kinda the guest of honor. However, I thought this would be a great opportunity to dispel some stereotypes about "nunnabes" and nuns.

That was until someone ordered a pitcher of margaritas.

She only asked for two glasses.

Needless to say, I don't remember much about the dinner. Although, my margarita partner's husband said he was impressed that I held my liquor so well.

I'm sure that dispelled a stereotype or two...

So I didn't make a fancy speech about vocations and what it's like to be a nun. The important thing was, is that everyone had a great time and ate some really great food and drank some even better margaritas. However, there was one point I tried to make, that even though I was thinking about Religious Life, it doesn't mean that I will become a nun. At times I thought they were sending me off forever- to never see me again. I tried to convince them that I could come back to the area- just not as often.
I also tried to convince them that I haven't entered yet. That I still want to move closer to my nuns so I can make a better decision. I think I got that message through.
Even though this is "The Awkward Catholic" I really wish these things were not so awkward. This is just another moment, another experience that makes this journey an adventure.

Here's some of the awesome gifts I received:

Greatest. Sign. Ever.

Not surprisingly, this is the card that went with the sign. 

Nunnabe Diaries: More bits of wisdom from yoda Audra

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Life is still crazy however I'm finding bits of wisdom from a younger me. I swear, I was smarter when I was younger. I don't know what happened to me.

Comments in bold are my comments now.

January 22, 2009

My outlook on life is changing...for the better. This discernment process has been a great thing...but now I feel that trying religious life has to be a long way off...like a few months to a year or when you're 23...but that's okay.
This is the first time that something has made me change...maybe down the line something else will do this to me nope, it's still Religious Life- nice try though.. maybe not, but right now I'm happy of the changes...
Also last night was hard. I doubted everything and I believe it took being so uncertain about things to learn the things I know now. Way to be deep 20 year old me! I really needed to read this today.

It stinks that I have to learn this way but it is what it is.

Nunnabe Diaries: A post from long ago...

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

My life is crazy right now. So instead of neglecting this blog I thought I would share a journal entry I wrote a few years ago...

December 19, 2008

3am

I have to do this...God won't leave me alone. Also, I want to be challenged in my faith and life. I don't think I want to settle down and wonder if...
I want to do something with my life and I need support. I can't do this along..
I have to tell my parents, I have to let my high school friends know. I want to be happy... I love serving. I love God!
This is not going to be easy. But I'm proud of myself for at least trying. I'm so afraid of failure. "What if they (the nuns) accept me? What if I blow my chance at becoming a nun...
Hmm... Sr.Audra...I can deal with that!
Maybe I can sleep at a decent hour now..LOL..nah! I am really happy, relieved that I made a decision...I have to try!
I have potential..I hope they see. I can do great things!

I have to try. Let Go...Let God.

My awkward 15 minutes of fame

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Well this is awkward - yet - very awesome. Over 1,000 of you have discovered this blog through a story I was interviewed for by the Associated Press. What I thought would be a little story on nuns using the internet has been picked up by such news sources as Huffington Post and ABC news.
It's been a humbling two days to say the least. I hope some of you stick around to see where this adventure called discerning Religious Life will take me. (Trust me, you'll REALLY want to stay around - I might have an announcement to make in a few months...)
Also, I hope that you check out my article buddies website as well and show them some love.
Thank you all for checking out this blog. I am truly humbled.

I'll write more later...got to go pay the bills! 

Nunnabe Dairies: A tiny step forward on Mount Everest

J.M.J.A.T.K.G 

About a month ago, I was with my nuns at their Motherhouse or Mothership as we like to call it. I have visited the motherhouse five times before; each time meeting and sometimes remeeting the nuns. Often times I was lead around by either the vocation director or another nun since the motherhouse was so big. Since I was fairly new I would be introduced to every nun that came our way. This meant that I would meet up to fifty nuns during a visit. It was very overwhelming to say the least. (I’m an introvert by nature.)

However this time was different.

When we arrived, the two nuns I rode with had to go to a meeting so that left me to walk to lunch by myself. I’ll never forget how freeing it felt to walk to point A to point B by myself and actually know where I was going. On the way there I came across three nuns who actually knew who I was. (I couldn’t remember their names- they didn’t seem to care)

This happened again and again over the next five days. The anxiety of being in a new place was slowly dissipating. To my surprise, the motherhouse was starting to feel like home. 

I thought I wouldn't miss being lead around the motherhouse or meeting so many nuns, but I did. I was saying good-bye to one phase of discernment that I will never have back - at least with this community. Meeting all of those nuns was overwhelming and exhausting but I can now step back and appreciate it. It obliviously had to be done. Or course, there are many sisters who live far away that I haven't met yet. However, they'll probably know me by seeing my face in several of the order's newsletters and such.

Even though this is only a few small steps on the Mount Everest that is discernment; it's still taking me to new heights. (Very sorry for the cliche but it stays)

Will every step I take be just as bittersweet or more so?

In any case, this whole discernment thing is full of twists and turns that I never expected. I keep thinking that this is so much bigger than I am - it's completely in God's hands. 

This whole discernment thing just got a whole lot more real... and awkward.  

 

New Running Shoes

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

To continue on the theme of running (because not everyone knows how great of a runner I have become*) here is another post on running.

A few weeks ago at work a coworker pulled out a brand new pair of running shoes from our lost and found. (We have a policy that if you leave something for 30 days - we give it to a thrift store.) She said this was the first time since we opened six months ago that someone left a pair of shoes.
I wanted to try them on but I thought there was no way they would fit. I would have to bite the bullet and buy a brand new pair. At that point I hadn't been able to run because my old pair was just too warn out. It was frustrating because I was really starting to get into the groove.
The next day when I came into work they were sitting in the same spot - a rarity. Usually the pile is immediately washed and taken to the thrift store. When the shoes were finally taken away to be washed, I mentioned to my coworker that I might want the shoes. As soon as I told her, she was bound and determined to get me those shoes. After some tough and confusing negotiations with the maintenance staff (the folks that handle the lost and found stuff) I was told to wait until the shoes had dried. Then I was to take them to my boss to decide on the price. But I was warned that my boss never gives a fair price.
After that I was useless at work. Those shoes were all I could think about. I was so giddy and couldn't stop smiling - this was just too prefect. I needed a new pair of shoes but really didn't want to spend the $80 on a new pair. I seriously thought I would have to give up my new found love. Plus, running had become a great way to pray and learn all sorts of life lessons.
So. After I clocked out I went to try on the shoes (I still didn't know if they would even fit). I slipped on the still wet shoes - it was a prefect fit. I grabbed the shoes and took them to my boss hoping he would give me a fair price.

Four dollars he said. Fair enough.

I gave him 5 because I was such a pain in the butt about the shoes.

God truly answered my prayers. I think this is the first time God came through in such an obvious way. Although I was praying for much bigger things God specially answered a resounding "YES" to this one. I don't know why God answered this prayer so quickly and taking Her sweet time on the bigger prayers. However, I'm not complaining.

*Not exactly true on being a great runner. I'm getting there though. 

Nunabe Diaries: Just. Keep. Running

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Very recently, I have taken up running as a hobby. It's been a lot of hard work and a bit painful but I must say I truly enjoy it.
One day, I ran two miles for the first time in five years. I admit that there were times I truly thought I couldn't go on- I think it was around lap 7 I thought this. But for some reason I just kept running. I never stopped- no matter how many times I thought about it. I just kept running.
Later that night I called my parents to check up and to remind them I'm going to visit "my nuns" later that week. What I thought would be a 5 minute conversation ended up with me crying.

And I never cry.

 It wasn't tears of sadness so much as of relief. No, neither of my parents are happy about my choice but they won't disown me. Ever. Yes, that was my fear that led to my eternal relief.
After the conversation I was both physically and emotionally exhausted. I have never felt that tired in my life. I thought there's no way I could find the energy to go on this visit but I just kept packing. I thought back to earlier that day when I wouldn't stop running and how proud (and exhausted) I was after I finished mile two. I knew that if I continued discerning I would test my parents promise. I would have to open a place in my heart that  haven't shared with them. Thinking about all this made me even more exhausted but I just kept packing.

This discernment thing just reached a whole new level of realness.

In retrospect, I know that if I didn't run so much I would not have been able to chase my dog when she got loose the other night. (My parents really would have disowned me if I lost her)
As for the nun visit...I discovered I am a better me when I am with them. My soul catches their spirit and runs with it. (Pun intended) I have become more aware of my surroundings and the needs of others (I just don't know what to do with those needs yet). They are truly the best thing that I has ever happened to me.
Some of the greatest decisions of my life have left me wondering why I started on that path in the first place. I thought I was insane starting out but after some perspective I found that I had made the right choice.
Even though things have gotten so much more real I can't help but be amazed at how this discernment journey makes itself new again. There's no fear of this ever getting boring.

However, I still think I need a nap.