A Special All Souls Day

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I sometimes find being catholic hard, if not impossible. We're not the most respected folks out there and the church's teaching drive me nuts at times.
However, instead of running for door I stay. Yes I not only stay, I thank God for calling me to be Catholic.
Today, I am thankful for the awesomeness of the communion of Saints like never before. I'm extra thankful this year because I have a special "Saint" in heaven watching over me- my mom.
She went home to God a month and a half ago and has not stopped sending me signs that she's watching over me.
It's been very difficult without her- at times nearly impossible- but thanks to the Communion of Saints I know she's watching over my family and I.
I realize my mom is not an official "saint" but I think we can all agree that moms have a special place in God's kin-dom.
So this All Souls' Day I remember the happier times I had with mom and thank God for giving us a gift of the Communion of Saints.

Awkward Catholic is on haitus

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

So it's been awhile since my last post. The good news is, is that I want to write about it, the bad news is, is that I don't have time to write about it.
However, posts are being written (sloooowly) and rewritten (even more slowly) and will be posted as soon as they are done.
Know that each one of you are in my prayers.

Mother Mary For The Win

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I didn't go to Mass today. Yes, I know- it was a holy day of obligation. To be fair I thought Mass near work started at 6, when I got off, it was at 5. Fail.
However, that's not what this post is exactly about...

A month ago I was told my grandma didn't have long to live. I was beyond devastated, especially since I had planned to move ten hours away to be closer to my nuns later that week. I also had my dream job waiting in the broadcasting field. I had to give that up. Even though it was extremely hard to tell my nuns and that job "not yet" something told me I wouldn't regret staying home.
Since making that decision I have regretted staying home. I told God time and time again that I am not a caretaker, I am a broadcaster and social media guru. People told me how noble and great I was to stay and take care of my grandma. Truth was, I couldn't even think about going out to my grandma's house. The thought of seeing her health deteriorate before my eyes was too much.
The guilt was unbearable. I didn't eat for days. After walking out of Mass one night I realized that I couldn't run if I continued not eating. That night I cleaned my plate and I continue to do so- for the most part. Yes, running saved my life.
However, even running couldn't fix the fact that I was failing as a granddaughter. This woman helped raise me when my parents worked long hours, taught me how to read and how to garden. My family was counting on me to help her with chores around the house and keep her from thinking about what was coming. I was losing my mind.

Tonight I was asked to take over garbage bags to grandma's house. She said she decided to clean out the house so we wouldn't have to after she died. I nearly lost it. I kept screaming in my head that I couldn't do this- that something needed to happen- I couldn't do this alone.
This time, instead of making up an excuse to leave, I stayed and talked. She switched gears and suddenly was making jokes that I was used to hearing.
And then God hit me so hard I can only hope it did permanent damage.

I saw the huge blessing that God was giving me- I couldn't image leaving home. THIS is where I belong right NOW.
As I was pulling out of her drive I remembered that this was the Feast day of the Assumption of Mary. So Mary, yet again, came through for me in a HUGE way.

Thank you, Mother Mary!!!

Overthinkers Club

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Today, we have our first guest blogger on Awkward Catholic. Yay! Please welcome Julia with open arms as she tells us about a club most discerners would feel right at home in. I think...

“We should do as few stupid things as possible, but to wait for a time when we would do none would be the stupidest thing of all.” ~ Saint Madeleine Sophie Barat, RSCJ

“Hi, my name is Julia, and I’m an overthinker.”

“Hi, Julia.”

Welcome, reader, to your first meeting of the Overthinkers Club.  We are so glad you could be here with us today!  We like to meet on a fairly regular basis to hash out the products of our ridiculously in-depth analysis of life, the world, and our place in both.  We welcome your questions and comments—just make sure they are appropriately probing and angst-ridden, or else you won’t really fit in.  We spend a lot of time in distress around here.

Our club has a few ground rules that you should probably know about: 1) All declarations should be the ground-breaking result of hours of self-analysis. 2) Any questions must be posed with the intent of “getting to the core” of a person’s true feelings and motivations. 3) Under no circumstances should ANY action be taken on the discoveries made here.  We can’t risk making any mistakes, now, can we?  Better to take your revelations home, think them over, and bring them back next time for more analysis.

As you look around the room, you’ll see that many of us give the distinct impression of not interacting with society on a regular basis.  Right you are, reader; most of us prefer to avoid direct contact with the world at all costs.  After all, this kind of contact might entail making decisions or—heaven forbid—acting on those decisions, and that’s a risk we just can’t take.  It’s much easier to stay holed up inside our homes and ourselves, thinking about possible hypothetical situations but never actually doing anything about them.  That way, we run almost no risk of failure!  Take a look around, reader.  This pale, sickly group of people you see before you, with no real life experiences, plenty of anxiety and an unwillingness to engage with the world—this is what success looks like.

I see that you’re considering this way of life, and I must say, I’m all for it.  Don’t worry if you’re still making decisions; it’s a hard habit to break when you first start overthinking.  If you wake up without worrying that you’re going to mess something up today, just start agonizing over your situation as soon as possible.  You’ll be much better off that way.

We hope to see you back at one of our meetings again soon!  But you don’t have to decide to come back right away—feel free to analyze your decision for a while first.

Nunnabe Diaries: Following

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I was nervous. I couldn't eat, couldn't stop shaking. "What if they don't like me?" "This is such a huge risk." "I could fail a class if I go." "Could I really afford that train ticket?"
Those were the thoughts that swam in my head day in and day out. The only reason I slept was because I was too exhausted to stay awake.

The butterflies were doing major damage to my stomach.

I tried to plan out what I do in every situation. I needed to be prefect. I so wanted them to like me.
I had a small hunch that I would like them...

A week from my first Come and See with "my nuns" I went for a walk. I actually went for a lot walks then because I was useless everywhere else.
I drove to a near-by park and started walking and doing more planning.

Suddenly I heard a voice that sounded like it was outside of me but also in my head*.
It said, "follow me."
I said, "Okay."

Nerves went away and in rushed a peace that has rarely ever left.

The scene of the peace.

I like to think that that was God talking. I'm almost positive it was. What I like about this moment was that God was so gentle. He could have sent a lightening bolt down or wrote "Follow me" in the sky. 

But he didn't. It was the still small voice that I heard. 

In order to hear that voice I must calm myself down. Luckily, Jesus is very good at calming me down. 

Well, him and a glass of wine. 

This moment changed my discernment and possibly my sanity in a big way. I went on that Come and See with a clear head and working stomach. I believe that since these nuns STILL invite me back to their Motherhouse three years later says that it was successful. 

My prayer is for all those who read this blog may listen to that still small voice- it might be small but the adventure is huge.

Nunnabe Diaries: The Wedding

J.M.J.A.T.K.G


Last weekend I attended my friends wedding. She was a good friend of mine in college- in fact she was like a mother to me. She was my biggest supporter when I first started discerning and led me to google anunslife.org - which then lead me to finding my nuns. This is the first wedding in which the bride and the groom are younger than I am- but not by much.
So back to the wedding...
All though-out the ceremony I kept thinking that they were too young- that this isn't real- we're all just playing house right now.
I thought why am I in this big girl dress and when was nap time? Was it just four years ago that Amber and I planned her wedding until 2 in the morning? (You wouldn't think that I would have enjoyed that - you're quite wrong - I want to be the first nun wedding planner. I love weddings.) 
And then there was the sacrament itself- it's just too damn pretty... and a nunnabe killer. 
Again, marriage is a beautiful sacrament and the bride was radiating joy that we all felt. So you couldn't blame me if I wanted to be in her shoes. 
However, that wasn't necessarily the case. Amber and Nick were living out who they truly were... And that made me appreciate my own me-ness. I looked around at my group of college friends and could see all of our puzzle pieces slowly starting to fit together. We were getting engaged, finding "big people" jobs and moving towards our own me-ness. 
Also because two people found their vocation we gathered together to celebrate and be with one another. And celebrate we did- It was a Catholic wedding after all...
After I got back home the same group of friends decided to hang out once again. While playing cards I kept thinking that because Amber and Nick got married we were having another great night together.
This doesn't happen with just weddings- it also happens when Religious take vows or have jubilees. People gather together to celebrate and be with one another. 
It's one of those moments when it's obvious the vocation becomes bigger than the one or two taking vows. And that my friends is one of the reasons why vocations are awesome. 

Nunnabe Diaries: The Dinner

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Mission: To dispel every nun stereotype to a group of mostly Catholic adults at dinner.


Last night a group of adults that were on a retreat with me took me out to dinner. They knew that I was thinking about Religious Life and wanted to show their support. This was the first time anyone has ever done this.
I was a bit nervous because I knew I would be the only single person there. And I was kinda the guest of honor. However, I thought this would be a great opportunity to dispel some stereotypes about "nunnabes" and nuns.

That was until someone ordered a pitcher of margaritas.

She only asked for two glasses.

Needless to say, I don't remember much about the dinner. Although, my margarita partner's husband said he was impressed that I held my liquor so well.

I'm sure that dispelled a stereotype or two...

So I didn't make a fancy speech about vocations and what it's like to be a nun. The important thing was, is that everyone had a great time and ate some really great food and drank some even better margaritas. However, there was one point I tried to make, that even though I was thinking about Religious Life, it doesn't mean that I will become a nun. At times I thought they were sending me off forever- to never see me again. I tried to convince them that I could come back to the area- just not as often.
I also tried to convince them that I haven't entered yet. That I still want to move closer to my nuns so I can make a better decision. I think I got that message through.
Even though this is "The Awkward Catholic" I really wish these things were not so awkward. This is just another moment, another experience that makes this journey an adventure.

Here's some of the awesome gifts I received:

Greatest. Sign. Ever.

Not surprisingly, this is the card that went with the sign. 

Nunnabe Diaries: More bits of wisdom from yoda Audra

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Life is still crazy however I'm finding bits of wisdom from a younger me. I swear, I was smarter when I was younger. I don't know what happened to me.

Comments in bold are my comments now.

January 22, 2009

My outlook on life is changing...for the better. This discernment process has been a great thing...but now I feel that trying religious life has to be a long way off...like a few months to a year or when you're 23...but that's okay.
This is the first time that something has made me change...maybe down the line something else will do this to me nope, it's still Religious Life- nice try though.. maybe not, but right now I'm happy of the changes...
Also last night was hard. I doubted everything and I believe it took being so uncertain about things to learn the things I know now. Way to be deep 20 year old me! I really needed to read this today.

It stinks that I have to learn this way but it is what it is.

Nunnabe Diaries: A post from long ago...

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

My life is crazy right now. So instead of neglecting this blog I thought I would share a journal entry I wrote a few years ago...

December 19, 2008

3am

I have to do this...God won't leave me alone. Also, I want to be challenged in my faith and life. I don't think I want to settle down and wonder if...
I want to do something with my life and I need support. I can't do this along..
I have to tell my parents, I have to let my high school friends know. I want to be happy... I love serving. I love God!
This is not going to be easy. But I'm proud of myself for at least trying. I'm so afraid of failure. "What if they (the nuns) accept me? What if I blow my chance at becoming a nun...
Hmm... Sr.Audra...I can deal with that!
Maybe I can sleep at a decent hour now..LOL..nah! I am really happy, relieved that I made a decision...I have to try!
I have potential..I hope they see. I can do great things!

I have to try. Let Go...Let God.

My awkward 15 minutes of fame

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Well this is awkward - yet - very awesome. Over 1,000 of you have discovered this blog through a story I was interviewed for by the Associated Press. What I thought would be a little story on nuns using the internet has been picked up by such news sources as Huffington Post and ABC news.
It's been a humbling two days to say the least. I hope some of you stick around to see where this adventure called discerning Religious Life will take me. (Trust me, you'll REALLY want to stay around - I might have an announcement to make in a few months...)
Also, I hope that you check out my article buddies website as well and show them some love.
Thank you all for checking out this blog. I am truly humbled.

I'll write more later...got to go pay the bills! 

Nunnabe Dairies: A tiny step forward on Mount Everest

J.M.J.A.T.K.G 

About a month ago, I was with my nuns at their Motherhouse or Mothership as we like to call it. I have visited the motherhouse five times before; each time meeting and sometimes remeeting the nuns. Often times I was lead around by either the vocation director or another nun since the motherhouse was so big. Since I was fairly new I would be introduced to every nun that came our way. This meant that I would meet up to fifty nuns during a visit. It was very overwhelming to say the least. (I’m an introvert by nature.)

However this time was different.

When we arrived, the two nuns I rode with had to go to a meeting so that left me to walk to lunch by myself. I’ll never forget how freeing it felt to walk to point A to point B by myself and actually know where I was going. On the way there I came across three nuns who actually knew who I was. (I couldn’t remember their names- they didn’t seem to care)

This happened again and again over the next five days. The anxiety of being in a new place was slowly dissipating. To my surprise, the motherhouse was starting to feel like home. 

I thought I wouldn't miss being lead around the motherhouse or meeting so many nuns, but I did. I was saying good-bye to one phase of discernment that I will never have back - at least with this community. Meeting all of those nuns was overwhelming and exhausting but I can now step back and appreciate it. It obliviously had to be done. Or course, there are many sisters who live far away that I haven't met yet. However, they'll probably know me by seeing my face in several of the order's newsletters and such.

Even though this is only a few small steps on the Mount Everest that is discernment; it's still taking me to new heights. (Very sorry for the cliche but it stays)

Will every step I take be just as bittersweet or more so?

In any case, this whole discernment thing is full of twists and turns that I never expected. I keep thinking that this is so much bigger than I am - it's completely in God's hands. 

This whole discernment thing just got a whole lot more real... and awkward.  

 

New Running Shoes

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

To continue on the theme of running (because not everyone knows how great of a runner I have become*) here is another post on running.

A few weeks ago at work a coworker pulled out a brand new pair of running shoes from our lost and found. (We have a policy that if you leave something for 30 days - we give it to a thrift store.) She said this was the first time since we opened six months ago that someone left a pair of shoes.
I wanted to try them on but I thought there was no way they would fit. I would have to bite the bullet and buy a brand new pair. At that point I hadn't been able to run because my old pair was just too warn out. It was frustrating because I was really starting to get into the groove.
The next day when I came into work they were sitting in the same spot - a rarity. Usually the pile is immediately washed and taken to the thrift store. When the shoes were finally taken away to be washed, I mentioned to my coworker that I might want the shoes. As soon as I told her, she was bound and determined to get me those shoes. After some tough and confusing negotiations with the maintenance staff (the folks that handle the lost and found stuff) I was told to wait until the shoes had dried. Then I was to take them to my boss to decide on the price. But I was warned that my boss never gives a fair price.
After that I was useless at work. Those shoes were all I could think about. I was so giddy and couldn't stop smiling - this was just too prefect. I needed a new pair of shoes but really didn't want to spend the $80 on a new pair. I seriously thought I would have to give up my new found love. Plus, running had become a great way to pray and learn all sorts of life lessons.
So. After I clocked out I went to try on the shoes (I still didn't know if they would even fit). I slipped on the still wet shoes - it was a prefect fit. I grabbed the shoes and took them to my boss hoping he would give me a fair price.

Four dollars he said. Fair enough.

I gave him 5 because I was such a pain in the butt about the shoes.

God truly answered my prayers. I think this is the first time God came through in such an obvious way. Although I was praying for much bigger things God specially answered a resounding "YES" to this one. I don't know why God answered this prayer so quickly and taking Her sweet time on the bigger prayers. However, I'm not complaining.

*Not exactly true on being a great runner. I'm getting there though. 

Nunabe Diaries: Just. Keep. Running

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Very recently, I have taken up running as a hobby. It's been a lot of hard work and a bit painful but I must say I truly enjoy it.
One day, I ran two miles for the first time in five years. I admit that there were times I truly thought I couldn't go on- I think it was around lap 7 I thought this. But for some reason I just kept running. I never stopped- no matter how many times I thought about it. I just kept running.
Later that night I called my parents to check up and to remind them I'm going to visit "my nuns" later that week. What I thought would be a 5 minute conversation ended up with me crying.

And I never cry.

 It wasn't tears of sadness so much as of relief. No, neither of my parents are happy about my choice but they won't disown me. Ever. Yes, that was my fear that led to my eternal relief.
After the conversation I was both physically and emotionally exhausted. I have never felt that tired in my life. I thought there's no way I could find the energy to go on this visit but I just kept packing. I thought back to earlier that day when I wouldn't stop running and how proud (and exhausted) I was after I finished mile two. I knew that if I continued discerning I would test my parents promise. I would have to open a place in my heart that  haven't shared with them. Thinking about all this made me even more exhausted but I just kept packing.

This discernment thing just reached a whole new level of realness.

In retrospect, I know that if I didn't run so much I would not have been able to chase my dog when she got loose the other night. (My parents really would have disowned me if I lost her)
As for the nun visit...I discovered I am a better me when I am with them. My soul catches their spirit and runs with it. (Pun intended) I have become more aware of my surroundings and the needs of others (I just don't know what to do with those needs yet). They are truly the best thing that I has ever happened to me.
Some of the greatest decisions of my life have left me wondering why I started on that path in the first place. I thought I was insane starting out but after some perspective I found that I had made the right choice.
Even though things have gotten so much more real I can't help but be amazed at how this discernment journey makes itself new again. There's no fear of this ever getting boring.

However, I still think I need a nap.

What happens before speaking with the Vocation Director

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

2:45pm receives a text message from vocation director thanking me for sending an email loaded with questions. Also asks when we can chat about said questions.
2:47pm sends text message back saying I'm free after 1pm everyday. (Thinking she'll suggest a time a couple of days from now.)
2:50pm Vocation Director texts back saying that's great and asks if 3:15 today will work.

The room becomes a 1000 degrees. My stomach fills with butterflies with razor blades.

2:51pm I say "sounds great."
2:52pm I frantically search email trying to remember what I even asked. I discovered I didn't ask any questions per say- just saying I wanted to discuss some things.

The butterflies in my stomach switch to guns.

2:55pm I realize that I've known this vocation director for three years so there is nothing to be afraid of.
2:58pm I fight the urge to grab a beer.
3:00pm to 3:10pm I clean an already clean house.
3:11pm I start to wonder if I am suppose to call her or she calls me...she didn't say.

What if I call her and she's not ready? What if I call the wrong number? Does she want me to call her cell phone or office phone?
Ok...I'll just wait until she calls me.
But wait...what if she's waiting for me to call? If I don't call she'll probably think I forgot or that I don't take the intative.
3:15pm comes and goes...
The butterflies switch to flame throwers. I may never eat again.
3:19pm She calls me from a number I don't recognize. All the nerves go away I remember all of my questions and we easily talk for an hour...like always.

4:25pm I grab a bud light.

I don't want this to discourage anyone from talking with a vocation director. In retrospect, it's more a terrified joy that I feel. I'm excited when I know that I'll be talking with the vocation director but I'm also a little scared. I'm scared that I'll say something wrong or won't get my point across.
But in the end, I know that I'm in good hands when speaking with this vocation director. I can trust that she has mine and the communities best interests at heart. She won't make me do something that she feels I'm not ready for. However, she'll also challenge me to my full potential.

So in other words, she's kinda like Allstate Insurance.

The Darn Wells post #1

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I like reading other people's blog. I'm sure you do too. So I'm going to oppose on you my favorite blogs and I hope you like them as much as I do.
I'm going to call these the "Darn Wells" because I'm going to post them when I darn well feel like it.
I also like these blogs so darn much that I just have to write about them.
So the first "Darn Well" post goes too...Marsha's Musings! Yay!

If you've never heard of Marsha or her musings, let me tell you why I love this blog so darn much. For the next few months Marsha will be embarking on an adventure! Yay! This adventure has already taken Marsha from her home in Washington State to California and now to Chicago....but wait! She's only beginning! Next she's going to Monroe, Michigan to stay and pray with my nuns! Whoo hoo! I'll be joining Marsha in a few weeks in Michigan to also stay and pray...but only for a week. But Marsha won't be done yet! After Michigan she's going to stay with some more nuns (not my nuns but cool none the less) in Minnesota to stay and pray for another month.

Did I mention that Marsha is 74 years young?

Yeah you don't want to miss this.

UPDATE: Well, this is awkward. I got some things wrong. Here's what Marsha commented:
 my emphasis in bold, comments in blue. (I've always wanted to do this- not get things wrong but to bold things and comment on them)

Wow, Audra - you're running ahead of me. So now I am in Monroe. I am presently sitting in the Motherhouse foyer waiting for SJ to come downstairs. She's driving me over to Norman Towers was a boys military academy, now a retirement facility. It also has a couple of guest rooms. It's goreous there. One of my favorite places to stay- where she will help me move a chair and a lamp upstairs for my little 1 month apartment.

This morning I met with Sister Julie founder of A Nun's Life ministry and Sister Margaret Brennan- General Superior of the IHM's during Vatican II- Legendary nun who helped formed what Religious Life is in the US today- for an hour before mass - just to talk about what I might be doing during this coming month - and to mull over whatever it was to bring me here.

Then mass - and brunch with the IHMs - then Julie will leave and I'll be really "on my own." (Except for Sr. Rosie who is my special companion over at Norman Towers - and Sr. Mary Bea IHM vocation director who I'll be meeting with next.

It is an adventure. And you are right - the adventure will include a stopover (for just four days, not a month) at Visitation Monastery in N. Minneapolis. But I may be going there to stay for a few months if my application is accepted.)

I'm look forward to seeing you and our NL friends here in a couple of weeks. And I do think IHM is going to play a significant role in my life from now on. They seem to have that affect of people.

Thanks for the Update Marsha! Look forward to hearing more!

Mass Pet Peeves

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

Today I am going to show you all that I am a terrible person by sharing with you some of my pet peeves during Mass. If you find that you may share one of my pet peeves or have others to share please feel free to comment below!

The Song leader who thinks she's auditioning for American Idol
So we're singing along trying to give glory to God then all of a sudden the song leader belts out these notes that makes me wonder if we're still singing the same song. The entire congregation gives the song leader a look that says "What the heck?! Stop that! I can't follow along" but of course the song leader sees "We love it! The notes you're making up is much better than what is actually written so we're just going to stay silent."
Just stick with the notes that are written so everyone can sing along.
People who talk before and during Mass
This is a sure fire way to make me angry. It never fails. Of course I don't mind if you say hi to your friend- everyone does it- it's the polite thing to do. But this isn't a town hall meeting- wait until after Mass to talk with your friend.

The person who sits at the end of the pew
We covered this before. If you really need to sit at the end then get up so I won't have to climb over you. It creates an awkward moment that I have already written about. I can't keep doing this.

The person who sits directly behind me
It's all about timing on this one. Of course after I get done kneeling before Mass and go to sit back in the pew someone has to come in and kneels directly behind me. So now I'm focusing on whether or not my hair is clean enough and smells nice because they're getting a birds eye view. Regardless of whether it's clean or not I'm paranoid that it's not so I lean over which isn't very lady-like. I would move over but I just warmed up my spot on the pew and don't want go through the warming up process again. Knowing my luck I'm now smelling their favorite perfume or cologne...which brings me to my next pet peeve...

The person who wears too much perfume
This person must believe the perfume they are wearing will bring people closer to God so they dunk themselves in it like they're getting baptize again. Unfortunately so does a hundred other people each of whom have a different scent. Because we all know there are many different ways/scents to God.
I would assume common sense would tell them that there are other people in the church who probably wouldn't appreciate to smell inhale their choice of perfume. But sometimes I give people too much credit.

The person who is a bad kneeler partner
This is a person with whom you share a kneeler with. Most kneelers are heavy and long- especially in older Churches- and they require two people to raise and lower them. You use two people to lessen the pressure of the -often times- little bolts that attach the kneelers to the pews. This was hammered into my head in Catholic grade school. Anyway, this person doesn't care about you or the little bolts. They either don't help raise or lower the kneelers. They put both feet on the kneeler while it's lowered giving me -the 5'11" giant- very little leg room. They don't pay attention when you go to lower the kneeler so you end up hitting them- they then give you a dirty look. They kneel too quickly forcing you to go with the kneeler and hit your head on the pew. The list goes on and on. All it takes to be a good kneeler partner is the slightest bit of communication and team work. Is that too hard to ask?

Sometimes I give all these people above a dirty look then my Catholic guilt kicks in and I spend the entire Mass trying to be overly nice to them to prove that I really am a good christian.

All and all the Catholic Church is a family. And as family members we sometimes annoy each other. Some of us can't agree on who should be priests, who should get married and so on. I try to remember that we each have a common bond in that we all believe in the saving power of the Eucharist. But I still end up giving people a dirty look.

Awkward Catholic Moment #7: Calling a Nun by her first name

J.M.J.A.T.K.G

I remember the exact moment it happened. I was helping my good nun friend put together a small storage unit we had just purchased at Ikea. We were having a good time, laughing and talking- when everything changed. She had asked for a screw driver but I had given her the wrong one. Instinctively I said "sorry sister" and handed her the right one. She rolled her eyes and said "you know, you don't have to call me sister".
I was speechless.
To make matters worse, the other sister came into the room and agreed with her. I took a deep breath and said "ok, Julie". And that's when my Irish Great-Great Grandmother hit me over the head with a 2x4- metaphorically speaking.
I have been around nuns and priests my entire life and this was the first I have ever called a nun by her first name. It was something I never thought about doing. Somewhere in Catholic grade school when I was young it must have been hammered into my skull that you shouldn't call a nun, priest or brother by their first name only. It was rude and sinful.
It's been almost a year and a half since that fateful day and I still have trouble not putting sister in front of their names. (Though pictured my great great grandma with a 2x4 over my head probably doesn't help) These are the only two nuns that have given me permission. I know the other nuns in their congregation wouldn't mind- it's why I love them- but I have a strict rule not to do so until I have their permission.
Of course, like everything concerning religious life I have thought long and hard about this. I have asked myself why it's so hard for me to forgo sister when talking with them. I tried to put myself in their shoes- would I mind if someone didn't call me sister?
Honestly I don't think I would mind. A friend once said she would feel weird if she ever called me sister. I told she didn't have to- the reason I was becoming a nun was to help people- not because of the title.
This gets me thinking- for her to call me sister would create a tiny barrier between us. I don't want that. The reason I want to be a nun is so I can live for and with the oppressed. In order to do that all barriers must go. My main goal is to serve people and bring them to God- if I get the job done without them knowing I'm a nun- then either way I got the job done.* The reason I was able to get the job done was because I would have been trained- in the novitiate-or nun school- on how to bring people closer to God.
The reason I joined the novitiate will be because God called me. And how I know God is calling me to join the novitiate is because it would bring me peace and joy that will continue for as long as I'm doing God's will. And because of that peace and joy I'll be able to bring people closer to God.**
(In the novitiate I would also learn how to have a good solid prayer life which would help me bring people closer to God)***

Well, this post went a little deeper than expected.****

*Most likely people will know I'm a nun given the possible ministry I would work for. It would be rare circumstance that they won't know. In some cases it would help people to know I was a nun. I'm just saying I'm willing to identify myself as whatever they need me to be-as long as it's authentically me present-to help them.
**I over-simplified the meaning of the novitiate and "nun training" in general. I also over-simplified how God calls us and what it feels like-but I think you get the general idea. And I over-simplified the goal of nuns- getting people closer to God-though this is a HUGE goal. There are other much smaller goals. Getting people closer to God is every ones goal.
***I hope you read these footnotes, otherwise you might think I have no clue about nuns or about how God calls us. I really do know what I'm talking about.
****I love footnote.